Author: Ricardo Millien

One of the last things I had to do during my time abroad was my Independent Study. I titled it: “Responses to Balinese Perceptions of Blackness.” It contains eleven poems that I created as responses to my experiences and interviews with Balinese people regarding the quality of being black. The poems, aside from the numerous other ventures I had while abroad, detail my experience in Indonesia and growth.

I interviewed ten Balinese people throughout the Kerambitan, Tabanan, Denpasar, and Sanur areas in Bali. In these interviews, I questioned subjects about their knowledge of Americans, the black community, their opinion of blacks, their opinion of the different shades of brown people in Indonesia, colorism, bleaching, and their perception of me. I interviewed ten people: seven females and three males. Nine people identify as Hindu, one is Christian, most of them eight at least high school education, three were under the age of eighteen years old, three fell between the ages of eighteen and thirty years, two were under the age of fifty-five, and two were over the age of fifty-five. Most of them have the ability some ability to speak some English.

From interviews and personal experience, I have concluded that Balinese people have a complex view of ‘blackness.’ Mostly, Balinese people believe that everyone is the same because God created everyone. But, this becomes complex as practice meets principle. There is a desire to not become darker in complexion, although there are Balinese people with dark skin and Bali is a tropical island where anyone is prone to developing darker skin. Becoming darker can make a woman less beautiful in the eyes of society, or can cause one to bully another. There are skin whitening products (i.e. soaps and lotions) and doctoral procedures to keep one from being ‘too dark.’ Some Balinese people may be xenophobic, and possibly racist, but that is not the majority by any means. Because Balinese people have brown skin, a black person that comes to Bali is not likely to experience oppression in an overt manner. But, because of how black people are displayed in media (i.e. as thugs, drug dealers, rappers, and murders), along with a constant beautification of whiteness, there are still some stereotypes and disdain towards darker skin, and the black community.

 

Tell me, you who is proud of your skin

How do you feel being so proud?

How do you feel scolding someone for being darker?

Your snickers escalate and become surround sound

A judgmental tune ensues, unpleasant to the ears

And you, artist, continue to perform

 

The crowd grows uncomfortable as you perform

The show is indoors so you don’t gain black skin

Do you believe your uncivil voice pleases the ear?

As you yell: “you black, you not pretty,” are you proud?

Does “skin whitener” and a harp have the same sound

Because both sound better than: “you’ve gotten darker?”

 

Does it bother you that much to become darker?

Is the sun not always out where you perform?

Do you hear how your ancestors’ screams sound?

Do you know that they may have been darker?

Their colonizers did tried make them feel less proud

Does the pain they endured no pierce your ears?

 

Would you let your sentiments fill their ears?

Would you make fun of them for being darker?

Would whitening what God gave you make them proud?

Would you wear a white mask if asked to perform

As a slave in case you cannot whiten your skin?

If whipped, those lips, may be shut; no sound.

 

You wouldn’t be able to make that snickering sound

You’re oppressed, and your pain is music to the ears

Of the oppressor oppressing you because of your skin

Because of their disdain for those who are darker

So they are satisfied by the hate they perform

They’re whiter, wanting to be similar makes them proud

 

Their socio-political power makes them proud

Even in the present, you hear it in how they sound

You hear it in the news and the music they perform

Their lack of authenticity noticed by the ear

Sounds like you when you bully someone darker

Someone who possesses nearly the same skin

 

Someone who feels biasa about their skin

Someone who knows the blessings of being darker

Someone who doesn’t possess your same weak ear

Like a lion in Africa, in a jungle
Moving towards today’s desired destination
In search for nourishment
I do not entertain any distractions
I am very aware
Very cognizant
And very patient
Ready to face hostility at any moment

See I’m calm as I maneuver
Through different environments
But do not be confused by me being an outsider
You’re observing an anomaly
Apathetic towards inaccurate assumptions

I’m not a stupid bule
I’m not here just to vacation
I don’t stay at that hotel
Saya mahasiswa
Saya tinggal di Amerika, tapi I’m an Ayisyen
I’m not Jamaican
I’m very melanated,
Which means this berry has the sweetest juice
Very ripe like Sawo Matang
I’m not going to buy everything you try to sell me
I don’t need a taxi, Go-Jek is fire
You tell me there no racists, but I know you’re a liar
There were kids who recently made fun of my blackness
Yelling: “you black!”
And I could only help but smirk
And ignore them
And continue to my destination

But their laughs replayed in my mind
Like the time I was their age
Young black prince returning to his kingdom
After receiving intellectual nourishment
Walking down the nearby hill
Not a fan of dogs, so I moved closer to the street
An old white vet, the owner
Then relentlessly questions:
“You scared nigger?”

If I were me now I would…
Do exactly what I did then:
Not entertain that distraction
Then continue to my desired destination
Because any food for thought that I could provide
Would not satisfy his racist appetite
Unwilling to try new food
Like bules eating western food everyday in Bali
When there’s so much nasi
But not me

I’m a lion in Indonesia, in a new jungle
Moving towards today’s desired destination
In search for nourishment
I do not entertain ignorance
I am very aware
Very cognizant
And very patient
Ready to face hostility at any moment

On 19 March, 2018, 23 of us SIT Study Abroad: Indonesia students were privileged enough to spend one week in the Munduk Pakel Village, near a large plantation with rice, and nearby rivers. We were able to live with Ibu-Ibu and Bapak-Bapak in the village, along with their family, build relationships with university students, and learn about the Subak.

Subak is the pillar of Balinese culture, which of course, has ties with religion. It is also an irrigation system, used in order to cultivate and harvest food (predominately rice). It is the pillar of Balinese culture because it relates to the Tri Hita Karana (THK), which is the three good causes of a good Balinese lifestyle. The three causes are gods, humans, and the environment. When discussing Subak, it relates not only to the environment, but humans and gods. In regards to humans, there are members of the board that work together (ngayah) to regulate farm production. In terms of gods, there are five temples and ceremonies for the processes of farming (preparation, seed storage, etc).

After learning about Subak, we were able go to the nearby rice field and turn mud over the growing plants in order to help with cultivation. Prior to going to the field, we learned that young people in Bali, and really all over Indonesia, do not desire to become farmers, or help out in the field. With this knowledge, it was interesting to be there with university students who, from the conversations we have had with them, are unfamiliar with hands on farm work. This experience, and learning about the decline in the number of farmers brought forth my question: “has the advancement of technology, and the desire to live a ‘better life’ than that the one that one has grown up in perpetuated physically lazier generations, and ones that would rather mental work rather than physical labor, and want more money?”

Technology is keeping young people from old ways of living. Farming is no longer ‘cool’ nor a means to satisfy one’s desire to become successful. Success is portrayed, especially through media and through wanting to ‘live a better life’ as making a lot of money, having a nice house, building a great amount of intellect, or becoming the usual doctor or lawyer. In Bali, the number of farmers are declining because they tend to be older, and now there are incentives for volunteers, and incentives from the government for farming. But, similar to how SIT students and the university students of Bali helped the farmers, most young people would only be willing to help, not become an actual farmer. I, personally, would rather pursue my dreams as a recording and performing musical artist, songwriter, and poet.

With time winding down in my abroad
experience, I thought I would take the time to make a post just about people in general and thoughts I have had while reflecting about myself. Also, I would like to thank those who have kept up with my blog posts. I will now present two pieces: one is a poem about something I specifically noticed about people, the second piece is a rap about how I feel in relation to that specific thing (omitting what the specific thing is because I would like readers to interpret both pieces), and further self reflection.

 

GroupMe

I’ve noticed people’s dependency on other people

 

…

 

Don’t leave me out of the group


I’m a member of the squad

Don’t walk without me please


Let me, catch up

Include me in the conversation


I may not be aware of what is being discussed


But, I’ll stare until I can join

Beg and plead for your attention with my eyes

Begin to laugh when I have no idea what the joke was

Ask: “really?”

Not knowing what I’m responding to

Then, hoping that someway, somehow

I can incorporate myself into a discussion

I need to be noticed

I need to be seen

I need to know that these friends


Or these acquaintances


Know that I am here


I don’t want to be alone

 

.

…

 

I can’t relate.

 

Black Introvert Thoughts: Indonesia

I do not mind being isolated

Away from all the nonsense

Making my own experience

Probably writing new content

Probably tryna make sense of things

Probably stuffing my pockets


Evading all that’s perfunctory

Probably just busy watching


Observing and steady plottin’

People be really cheesy

But none of ‘em really poppin’

Wastin’ breath all that talkin’

23 other students

Few that I can connect with

Knowing a lot of people

But only few finna check-in

Tryna take in this blessing


Flexin’ in Indonesia

Learning things as I go

And I’m constantly m-m-meminta

Hoping I ain’t no creeper

Pulling up on the people

Curious ‘bout they lives

Old and wise, I really need ya

Bunch of these Asian teachers

Better than some my teachers


Bagus guru

Keeping me in the loop


And takin’ me through the hoops

Sometimes I feel gugup

Love my Bapak, Ibu

All of my sisters too


Missin’ my baby too

Hope that she killin’ school


Eating up all this food


Enjoying my time here too


And for the most part

It’s been really dope, and hard

But I’ll be glad to leave

Man I’m just way too far

Just some B.I. thoughts

Lost in-


Elegant, yet simultaneously serene scenes

Silhouettes of my future self


Moving and grooving

Gallops through groups of groupies

Herds of photographers, paparazzi

Please, perdon, permisi, atansyon

I may be well known


Or look like a lad you should shoot


But please, let me live my life

 

A Haitian who’s  lived in America for most of his life

One trip to a Buddhist temple to apply what he’s learned

Borobudur, Indonesia

Indonesian people

Students, laki-laki, perempuan

“May I have a picture please mister?”


“Ya, tidak apa”

In my head I know that if my soul is to sink in the silhouettes of my future

I must use this attention as practice

 

Let me, move and groove to the switching of groups


Eager to show their friends and family the American they’ve met

Y’all don’t know me


But still, I must appreciate your want to take a picture with me

Despite me invading your home


Despite me exercising my privilege as a college student from America

Despite me taking in your culture

When you may not even have the opportunity to take in mine

 

I—


Enjoy your weather when it’s not too hot

Enjoy your food when it’s not too sweet

Enjoy each beach


Enjoy your clothes

Enjoy your kindness

So I guess it’s no trouble if you want a picture

 



To my future fans

And to my current ones

I will try to take in my experience today

And when you ask me to take a photo

No matter the mood I’m in

Hopefully,

I can get lost in the beauty of someone appreciating you


Even if they probably shouldn’t be there



…

 

On Thursday, February 22, 2018, the 23 other students, along with 6 staff members, and I were granted the opportunity to visit the Borobudur Temple in Java, Indonesia. This is the largest Buddhist temple in the world. We learned a lot about the temple, especially about the centuries it took to build the temple, the various symbolisms of the designs, and its overall significance. As an obvious outsider, I was subject to photos with Indonesian students, and also an interview about my experience thus far in Indonesia. As I reflected upon this experience, myself, and the future I desire to have (as a musical artist), I created this poem.